The World Outside - NaPoWriMo - #23
Mommy, is it true?
Tell me, is it true that outside,
there is a place where, water flows freely on the rocks,
and it flows and it flows and it flows, it never stops;
tell me, is that true?
Yes dear son, my baby,
it is true; but that place is in heaven, it is not here,
here is only the small tanks, which you see; you see,
the water is very costly, only so much for you and me
But tell me mommy, does my friend lie?
Omar, my friend, who lives three containers away;
he says, there is a place outside, where so many trees stand,
that you cannot see the sun; he says, it is called a forest
Yes love of my life,
there is that place, but not in this world dear child;
he must be, talking about the heaven again, where lie
hundreds of fruity trees, for you all waiting in line
No!! But he says it is here, in our world,
and he says there are so many animals, on the ground
and even in water, all outside the wall; tell me mommy,
how can anyone live in water? don't they ever die?
Oh no no, you get it wro...
Wait but mommy, where do they eat their food?
And where do they sleep? Can they sleep in the water? And,
what is an ocean mommy? He says it is so big, it never ends,
no matter how far you look; surely, you must know about it
No my gullible, my dear innocent boy,
there is no such thing outside, all imaginations and lies
but don't worry my dear, there is a whole world in heaven,
much bigger, much more beautiful than anyone can describe
And there you will find, all kinds of trees and birds and animals
maybe even those which will live under water, and maybe you too
could live under water; there will be water, flowing water, and
so much and so sweet, that you would never get tired
Okay; okay mommy...
Omar said there was a war, a war
like no other in our country before, he said
What is a war, mommy? He said, many people died in it, did
daddy die in it too mommy? In a War?
Enough! Enough of your questions today
what kind of things does your friend say
I will go and talk to his mother at once
what is she teaching him, and to you in turn
Your father, your brothers, died beyond the wall; there is
nothing but dry land and heat there, and fall
no forests, or oceans, or animals are real,
only you and I, are in this camp real
Okay? Only, we have each other to look for my son,
together, we shall live here under this sun
and I, warn you my love, they will kill you too if,
you try to climb the wall, and break free outside
...
..
.
The boy died two weeks later, attempting to get out of the refugee camp that he was born in. He and his friend Omar were shot by camp gaurds. He was 6 years old.
Oh, man. How could you? When I began reading, it felt like a dystopian setting where nature is a thing not known to kids, but it went on to being horribly uncomfortable because it is not the future, but the present. So much for thinking we can bring peace in the world.
ReplyDeleteIt is beautifully written. I love, love the use of words that evoke not only pictures and emotions but also sensitivity and a sense of loss. Why do such things happen? Why?
You've broken entirely new ground here. Not only do you win this one, you've notched up the bar by a mile!
And I especially loved the progression, as in a story. The mother's patience, the boy's ever-increasing curious and eager questions, and finally the mother snapping.
DeleteThank you so much for these beautiful words Ashna. I am so glad you liked it this much.
DeleteIn this one, the progression was sort of natural here, as I kept on writing. Maybe it was just that I had a sort of story in mind for long and it just came out this day.
Thank you again. I love the fact that I have such a wonderful reader at this blog ^_^
I felt exactly the way Ashna did (oh yes, I first read the comments and then proceed with mine :P)
ReplyDeleteWhile I was totally awed by how it progressed, it really left me with a little tremble. Uneasy that was :/ But a good realistic composition nonetheless.
Thank you so much Srishti. Your comment (and Ashna's) makes me feel like I should try such experiments more. And I will ;)
DeleteSo glad to see you here by the way :D