55 Fiction #2- The Arrangement (with alternate ending)


The kiss had been awkward well. She was still sitting at the pier.
As soon as he'll cross the board, the sniper will shoot her. That had been the arrangement.

But right at the edge he heard a loud crack, got a huge blow, felt his back burn and fell down.

He had been tricked.

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P.S: I wrote a different ending earlier for this. Would you like me to include that one??


- - - - - EDIT - - - - - 

The kiss had been awkward well. Zoe was still there, sitting at the pier, and as was the arrangement, the sniper was going to shoot her as soon as Jake crosses the board.

But he didn't. Maybe there was something in that kiss that stopped him. He turned and went back to sit with her.

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P.S: Its not a strictly alternate ending, I named the characters and changed the way it was written for the sake of simplicity and understanding. I hope it was better than the last one.  

Comments

  1. Yes, yes, do include the other ending! I hardly ever used to read flash fiction, that too a small one! You write them great, though :D

    PS- Who inspired you to write something related to a girl? :P

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    1. Inspired? Nobody. Though the idea of a man getting his wife killed came to me when I was reading something on 55 fiction the other day. And it was supposed to be the man's story but I think it looks the exact opposite now. :|

      I'll edit the post to include the other ending later. :)

      Delete
  2. Usama I'm sorry but I didn't quite get it.. Care to explain? :)

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    Replies
    1. Yeah sure, and actually I don't think it makes any sense for anybody.

      Here's the thing. The man is walking on the platform which is made on a pond's edge of wooden planking. The woman is still sitting where they kissed before he got up and it had been awkward for him because he had arranged for a sniper to kill her just as he crosses the platform. But when he crosses the platform, the sniper instead shoots him(because his wife has had a rearrangement with the sniper ;))

      I will have to make up for this one next time :)

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    2. Haha I'm sorry I found it funny! Don't take any offense please!
      I think that the wife is not a dumb blonde, but a smart brunette ;)
      I like this, but loved the previous one much much more!

      Delete
  3. So mysterious. Feels like there is so much more to the story! I would love to read the other ending too!

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    1. Thanks Anisha. I guess you're being too nice in not saying that it was total nonsense ;) Please see the above comment if you too felt it was a bouncer.
      I'll be sure to include the other ending in the post soon. :)

      Delete
  4. Just 5 sentences still so much potent and suspense...hats off to you...nice trick..

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    1. Hi Namrata, first, welcome to the blog. And thanks for such a nice comment, I hope to write more micro fiction in the future. :)

      And yeah, feel free to explore the blog, you might find something interesting. Plus, have a look at this if you liked the current post -> http://arandomlog.blogspot.in/2012/10/rats-to-ritches.html

      Delete

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